A client once told me that they were disappointed in me because I’m on my smart phone too much. It seemed that, because I was their coach, they thought I should be perfect and effortlessly be able to rise above the pressures of the modern age. It started me thinking about how we’re often encouraged to seek perfection, but how this can be destructive to ourselves and to our perception of others.
Some of you may know the art form in Japan called Kintsugi. This is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.
So, how would it be to embrace your flaws and imperfections? And to recognise that these are what make you strong and beautiful. This human-ness can feel really uncomfortable for some. And, it seems to me that by seeking to be perfect, we become less of ourselves and deny who we really are.
One of the fundamental principles which I use my coaching work is that “change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not” (from Gestalt coaching and psychotherapy). In practice, what I notice is that when individuals accept themselves more fully or embrace the “stuckness” that they are in, the solutions seem to come naturally.
By letting go of the idea of perfection and embracing our flaws, we become more of ourselves. We become perfectly imperfect. I know from experience that this isn’t easy, but this is when the most beautiful change happens.
So back to me and my imperfect smartphone usage. I have 2 issues – when it’s near me, I look at my phone too much; and when I do pick up my phone I get distracted by things other than those I intended to look at.
This is my current smartphone time management strategy:
- I have an old fashioned alarm clock so for a long time I’ve had the habit of leaving my phone in the living areas at night.
- If I’m watching TV or relaxing in the evening, I aim to mostly leave my phone in the kitchen where I can’t easily reach it. It’s still tempting to look at it every time I make a cup of tea, but I’m working on it.
- In terms of the problem of getting distracted when I pick it up, I’m still working on this one so do let me know if you have any hints and tips?
I know I have put some good habits in place and I know that there’s more I could do. For me, I’m choosing to accept that I’m not going to get it all right. I’m choosing to be perfectly imperfect.
I’d love to know how these thoughts sit with you. Please drop me an e-mail at maureen@maureenevans.co.uk or post in the comments below.
Image from Unsplash by Antoine Barras – I loved this image of a very “un”smart phone.
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